Zelda Follies
by Steven S Stevens
Summary: This was a Joint Fic, made by Me and Ishntknew of the Eggman Empire. It was spawned we were really bored.
1. Chapter 1

As we all know link gets in weird adventures but, this one takes the cake literally...   
  
Link: "I'm hungry... Ooh! Cake! I think I'll take it!"   
  
Ganon: "NOT so fast samurai, oh wait wrong line"   
  
Link: "Ganon! So, you finally decided to show your face, huh? Wait... Didn't my ancestors imprison you? And turn you to stone? And kill you, on many different occasions?"   
  
Ganon: "I dunno maybe, too many links to remember..."   
  
Link: "Right, well, I'll stop you, just like those before me!" Draws sword. "Huh? A paper sword?"   
  
Ganon: "MUAHAHAHAHAHAHAA!" cast some random spell "now your DOOMED!"   
  
Link: "Oh no! My brain feels numb!" Hits self with paper sword over and over. "Ow, ow, ow, ow, ow..."  
  
Ganon: "Perfect, that's not what I expected to happen; but as long as link gets hurt I'm happy!"   
  
Scene change time! Cut to Ganon's Death Mountain base, about three centuries after the original Legend of Zelda!   
  
Ganon: Walks in. "With Link slowly killing himself with his paper sword, I shall cover the land in darkness! Muahahaha!"   
  
Link: "Ow, ow, ow, ow,"   
  
Ganon: "Why I brought him with me, I do not know. Anyway, it's time to look for the other Triforce pieces! Wait... I don't have any anymore!"  
  
Ganon: "Wait... He doesn't have a piece? GAH! I forgot! This is a different Link!"   
  
Link: "I'll stop you!" continues hitting self with paper sword thinking "urge to kill self -raising cannot control left arm!"  
  
Ganon: "Yeah right, foolish Hylian. Hm... If I was a Triforce piece, where would I hide...?"   
  
Link: "Can I go now?"   
  
Ganon: "Sure." Casts Dispel on Link, then checks under the cushions of a random conveniently placed couch. "AHA! Aw... Nothing there..."   
  
Link: "I'll stop you!" starts whacking Ganon with his paper sword! "TAKE THAT!"   
  
Ganon: "Ahahahahaha! You fool! Do you expect that to bea- AHHHH! PAPER CUT!"   
  
Ganon: Runs around screaming.   
  
Link: "IT'S WORKING!"   
  
Ganon: "Agh! You'll pay for that, Hylian!" Picks up a bag of cotton balls and throws it at Link.   
  
Link: "AH! NO! NOT THE COTTON!" gets hit and falls to the ground crying like a sissy   
  
Ganon: "Muahahaha. Prepare to meet your doom!" Picks something up, but accidentally brushes the paper cut, and, like Link, falls to the ground crying like a sissy.   
  
Link: "Must Run Woo, woo, woo, woo, woo!" runs away from Ganons castle like place   
  
Ganon: Getting up. "Curse you Hylian... Mark my words, I shall return."   
  
2 weeks later... In a forest some where   
  
Link: "wow this is a weird forest"   
  
Moblin: Comes out of nowhere. "Blah!"   
  
Link: "AHH!" almost suffers a heart attack "DON'T DO THAT!"   
  
Moblin: "You... You're Link, aren't you?"   
  
Link: "well who else would be wearing this silly outfit?"   
  
Moblin: "Hm, well, Tingle, any Kokiri, Peter Pan..."   
  
Link: "..."   
  
Moblin: "What businesses have you in the Forest of Death and Forbidden-ness?"   
  
Link: "Ummm wandering from ganon?"   
  
Moblin: "Well, since I'm one of Ganon's minions, I should probably try to kill you."   
  
Link: "yeah maybe" UN seethes paper sword   
  
Moblin: Takes a leaf off a tree and attempts to throw it at Link, but it gets blown away by a breeze.   
  
Moblin: "What's with all these stupid weapons?"   
  
Link: gives the moblin multiple paper cuts "I dunno bad authors are my guess"   
  
Moblin: "Oh." Dies of paper cuts.   
  
Link: "Wow is this what exp feels like? It's all tingly!"   
  
Old Man: Walks up. "Hello, there, young weird person in green."   
  
Link: "Hi there old man whom will most likely give useless and some what of riddled advice!"   
  
Old Man: "East-most peninsula holds the secret." Walks off.   
  
Link: "they are always so predictable"   
  
Octork: "Hi, we're Octorks! We're here to kill you!"   
  
Link: Wanders off and trips on a blade of grass "OW!" notices a wooden sword   
  
Octork: Sniff. "He ignored us... We just wanted to be your friend!"   
  
Link: "WOW! A real sword" picks it up "so this is what a real sword feels like it's all tingly!"  
  
To be continued... 


	2. Chapter 2

As we join our hero he is still stuck in the forest...   
  
Link: "lucky me I just found this 'Real' sword"   
  
Old Man: Runs by. "Did you find the Triforce tool yet?"   
  
TheNut5000: Link: "I told you old man NO! I'm not the link you remember"   
  
Old Man: "You mean there's more than one of you?!? Oh... That would explain why your age seems to randomly change..." Walks off.   
  
Ganon: Falls from the sky. "Stop, intruder! I won't let you get the Triforce of Courage piece hidden directly east of here!"   
  
Link: "what are you talking about?"   
  
Ganon: "Um... Nothing. Absolutely nothing..." Begins walking east, then runs.   
  
Link: "hey!" runs after ganon then passed him   
  
later   
  
Link: "hey what's this weird triangular yellow golden thingy!?"   
  
Ganon: Catches up. "Nothing... Nothing important... Just give it to me."   
  
Link: "naaah I think I'll touch it" touches it and gets the Triforce of courage "Ooo I feel all Couragely and stuff!"   
  
Ganon: "Oh no!" Runs off.   
  
Link: "Wow, I feel as if I need to destroy Ganon, and I don't know why..."   
  
Dragon: "HEY! You were supposed to fight me!"   
  
Link: "..."   
  
Link: "aren't you also in that game golden sun?"   
  
Dragon: "I dunno, I never played it."   
  
Dragon: Spits fire at Link.   
  
Link: "well I guess I have to fight you... OO; hey!" gets his tooshie toasted   
  
Link: "AHHH!" starts running around in circles tying to put it out   
  
Dragon: "HA! It would take a miracle to save you now!"   
  
Dragon: Runs towards Link, but runs to far and falls into a nearby ocean.   
  
Link: "WAIT I'LL SAVE YOU!" grabs the dragons hand   
  
Dragon: "Huh? Wahahaha! Now to kill you!"   
  
Old man: "your next clue lies in the mountains"   
  
Link: "I'm a little busy if you didn't notice old man!"   
  
Link: "Well you still wanna fight even after I just saved you?"   
  
Dragon: "Umm... Yes!" Shoots fire at Link again.   
  
Link: "HEY! Ouchies" dodges then stabs the dragon in the foot   
  
Dragon: "Ow..."Bleeds to death.   
  
Link: "Poor dragon..."   
  
Old man: "Have you checked the eastern mountains yet?"   
  
Old Man: "So, let's see... There's the Hero of Time, the Legendary Hero of Hyrule, the Hero of the Winds... I'll call this Link... The Hero of Stupidity!"  
  
Link: "Ha ha very funny old man... "   
  
Old Man: "Funny? It is a decree from me, Saianojop, one of the new sage type people! Now, go to the mountains!"   
  
Link: "Saianojop? Hmmm never heard of you but, If I must..."heads off toward the mountains   
  
Hours later... At some mountain range...   
  
Link: "Wow its so... Mountany!"   
  
Knight from Hyrule Castle: Runs up. "You! You're wearing green! That automatically makes you a great hero, doesn't it?"   
  
Link: "I guess it runs in the family so yeah I guess..."   
  
Knight: "Right, well, Princess Zelda's been kidnapped. She told me to tell a hero to go look for the Triforce pieces, and to not hit yourself with your sword repeatedly."   
  
Link: "Do they ALL know of this!?"   
  
Knight: "Well, anyway, you have to go through this well designed maze, which seemed to come out of nowhere one day, in this cave in the mountain."   
  
Link "... Oh! Sorry do go on. "   
  
Knight: "Once you go through that, you have to fight a giant monster that has a great chance of killing you. Then you pick up the golden triangle. Then repeat that about 6 more times."   
  
Link: "so where do I find this cave filed with monsters and beer?"   
  
Knight: "The cave filled with monsters and beer is right over there. Except the minors can't have beer."   
  
Link: "what are you talking about?"Slinks into the cave of beer   
  
Monster: "geT OuT oF hERe yOu StUPId kId!" Hic.   
  
Link: "hey hey hey! I just wanna be your friend!"   
  
Monster: "wELl, YOu CaN'T HaVe AnY!" Trips over a pebble and is knocked out.   
  
Link: "good for me"runs off with a keg   
  
Somewhere deeper in the dungeon...   
  
Link: "WeE ThAt'S FuNnY! HIc!"   
  
Old Man: "Did you find the digging tool yet?"   
  
Link: "What the? Are you trying to kill me old man?"   
  
Old Man: "I'm guessing you haven't. Oh well. I've got an extra one." Gives Link a spoon.   
  
Link: "..." takes the spoon "I'll save this for later"   
  
Old Man: "Master using it, Hero of Stupidity!"   
  
Link: "... I think I'll ignore you for now, Saaaay want some beer?"   
  
Old Man: "I would, but I just realized that there's no ground in this room..." Falls.   
  
Link: "yes there is"   
  
Old Man: "Then why does it look like a giant hole?"   
  
Link: "have your retinas detached again?"   
  
Old Man: "Just look at the ground! It's all black!"   
  
Link: "could it be THAT WE ARE STANDING ON BLACK MARBLE?! OR OBSIDIAN!?"   
  
Old Man: "Of course not! What kind of sense does that make?"   
  
Link: "Well this cave does sell beer, and make lots of money... So they could have bought black marble for the ground..."   
  
Old Man: "Be gone, or I'll make my torches shoot fire at you!"   
  
Link: "Who are you talking to?"wanders out of the cave   
  
Giant Moblin: "BLAH!"   
  
Monster: "hey there old man!"   
  
Old Man: "Hello, giant Moblin monster thing!"   
  
Giant Moblin: sniffle "Wow someone who's not trying to kill me..."   
  
Old Man: "Would you like some beer? I just drank 42 cans of it, and now I don't think there's any ground!"   
  
Giant Moblin: "sure" thinking to himself "just act nice then kill him and take his wallet"   
  
Old Man: "OK!" Throws a can at the Moblin, but because of aim being off, hits the Moblin in the head really hard with the can.   
  
Giant Moblin: "Ow." Takes the beer and chugs it "Whoa..." dies   
  
Let's see how the Hero of Stupidity is doing. Cut to the boss room...   
  
Link: "I could have sworn this way led to the outside..."   
  
Giant Octorok: "WAHAHA! I am the boss of this dungeon!"   
  
Link: "wouldn't you be in an area with water?"   
  
Giant Octorok: "Well, you see, Octoroks have evolved over the years. By the time of The Legend of Zelda, maybe earlier, we lived on land, since freshwater sources were getting harder to find."   
  
Link: "Oh, okay then that means I have to do this! HEEEYA!" Jumps on to Giant Octorok "HIYAAA!" start to viciously stab it with his wooden sword"   
  
Giant Octorok: Spins around in circles in an attempt to get Link off.   
  
Old man: "Woo hee! 100 bottles of buttered toast on the wall 452 Bottles of buttered toast take one down and, did you find the digging tool yet?" throws a spoon to link   
  
Giant Octorok: "AHHHHHHHHH! Not the spoon!"   
  
Link: "Ah HA!" starts to poke and prod the Giant Octorok with the spoon   
  
Giant Octorok: "Gak!" Dies.   
  
Ganon: Runs up. "The Triforce piece is mine!"   
  
Link: falls on to the Triforce piece "oops"   
  
Ganon: "...Curse you, Hylian!" Jumps out a nearby window. "Oops, I forgot this is the top of a mountain range. AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHhhhhhhhhhhhh..."   
  
Link: "..."   
  
Old man: "To find the digging tool Check you left shoe"   
  
Knight: Comes in. "Thank you, Link, but our princess is in another dungeon!"   
  
Link: "..."   
  
Old Man: "Go to the long dried up Lake Hylia, or else!"   
  
Link: "doom?"   
  
Old Man: "No, not doom... Even worse."   
  
Link: "Aww, man are you trying to get me killed?   
  
Old Man: "No, even worse than death... Ganon plans to plunge the land into darkness... by filling it with Omochao!"   
  
Link: "Dear God NO!"   
  
Omochao: "hi!"   
  
Link: "NOOO!" cuts Omochao in half with his sword then burns the corpse   
  
Old Man: "NO! He's already begun his plans! Link, hurry to where Lake Hylia used to be!"   
  
Link: "no I think that was just a fluke"   
  
Old Man: "I hope so, but, regardless, you must prevent it."  
  
Link: runs far away from the old man to Lake Hylia   
  
Old Man: "Oops, I forgot to give him this Hookshot. Oh well, won't be too important, I'm sure."   
  
Cut to Lake Hylia, where Link's having a small bit of trouble.   
  
Link: "Crap I wish that old Man was here he'd help me... "   
  
Omochao: "To call the old man, use that rope to tie a rock to your foot, and stand at the bottom of the lake!"   
  
Link: "are you trying to kill me?   
  
Omochao: "Yes!" Flies away.   
  
Link: "pweh"   
  
Old Man: Runs up. "I finally... finally caught up. Here, I forgot to give you this." Gives Link the Hookshot.   
  
Link: "YAY the Springy Shrinky thingy!"  
  
Link; uses the hook shot to get to the place were he needs to be   
  
River Zora: "Hey, what're you doing here? This is my territory!"   
  
Link: "saving the world from an evil army of Omochao?"   
  
River Zora: "O...Omochao? Right, just take the Triforce piece!" Gives it to Link.   
  
Link: "thank you..." thinking "that was easy"   
  
Omochao: "Hey! You didn't think you'd get away that easily, did you? Now you have to fight ME!"   
  
Link: "I'm giddy..." slices Omochao in half   
  
Omochao: "Why are you being such a bully? I didn't do anything wrong! I'm leaving!" Explodes.   
  
Link: "YAY!"   
  
Old Man: "Now you have to go to the bottom of the ocean somehow to get the next piece."   
  
Link: "dagnabbit"   
  
Link: "Say if you know where all of them are why don't you go get them your self?"   
  
Old Man: "Because I'm an old man! Old people don't go on adventures!"   
  
Link: "sure they do your going on one right now!"   
  
Baconman: "Hey I'm an old man and I go on adventures all the time!" gives link 5 lbs of bacon and leaves   
  
Link: "YAY! BACON! Want some old man?"   
  
Old Man: "Sure!"   
  
Link: give the ma some bacon "Bless you Baconman!"   
  
Old Man: Eats bacon. "You know, I agree with Eggman's plans more, but I like how Baconman randomly gives out bacon."   
  
Waffleman: "waffles anyone?"   
  
Old Man: "Yeah!" Takes some. "Breakfast based villains are awesome!"   
  
Sausageman: "Hi!"   
  
Link: "aren't you dead?"   
  
Sausageman: "Maaaaaybe"   
  
Old Man: "I saw him die with my own eyes!"   
  
Link: "..."   
  
Sausageman: "oohh yeah..." dies   
  
To be continued... 


	3. Chapter 3

As we Join Link He just got a Triforce piece from a River Zora!  
  
Link: "Now I have three pieces of the Triforce, and the next is at the bottom of the ocean! But how do I get there?"  
  
Old man: "Well you could tie a rock to your foot, and say did you find the digging tool yet?"  
  
Link: "...Yes... Say, are you Omochao in disguise?"  
  
Old man: "No"  
  
Link: "OK. How will I breathe underwater?"  
  
River Zora: "Oh here take this tunic this should help!" Gives Link the Zora tunic  
  
Link: "Right." Picks up the tunic and it disappear, then the green tunic turns blue. "Um... Weird."  
  
Old man: "Did you find the digging tool yet?"  
  
Link: "Yes!" Ties a rock to his foot using the Hookshot, then throws the rock into the ocean.  
  
Old man: "I was talking to the Zora"  
  
River Zora: "No not yet, But I've been looking hard..."  
  
Link: Sinking. "So bored... How deep can this stupid ocean be!"  
  
River Zora: "That old kooky man told me to help you!"   
  
River zora: "What are you talking about? The authors jumped to conclusions. I'm a Zora..."  
  
Link: "Why would Ganon have a good Zora defend a Triforce piece?"  
  
Zora: "Ummm... I don't work for Ganon..."  
  
Link: "Then what were you doing with that Triforce piece?"  
  
Zora: "My Zoran tribe protected it and you should hit the bottom in 5, 4, 3, 2, and 1!"  
  
Link: "Finally! Now, where do I go?"  
  
Zora: "Silly Hylian, You go to lord jaba-jaba!"  
  
Link: "Jaba-Jaba? Is that a descendent of Jabu Jabu?"  
  
Zora: "... No I have a Speech Impediment"  
  
Link: "Oh. Say, where'd he go after Zora's Domain froze, anyway?"  
  
Zora: "I dunno... Over there?" Points to the Zoran City conveniently placed nearby...  
  
Link: "OK." Heads to Zoran City.  
  
Random Zora: Welcome! Welcome! Welcome to our World of toys!"  
  
Zora: "good for you"  
  
Link: "...This is horrible! Ganon's already affected some people to make them seem like Omochao!"  
  
Random Zora: "What's an Omochao?"  
  
Link: "The most horrible being in the universe... Say, can I go see the big fish?"  
  
Zora: "Say Link from now on you can call me Jack, and don't worry Omochao would explode before they reached the city!"  
  
Random Zora: "follow me!"  
  
later at the lord Jabu jabu  
  
Link: "What do I have to do now?"  
  
Jack: "Silly Hylian, Give him an offering then be sucked into him!"  
  
Link: "...That seems like a bad idea."  
  
Jack: "... Look you wanna save Hyrule or not?"  
  
Link: "Hm... Tough choice..."  
  
Jack: "..."  
  
Link: "Hm... I dunno..."  
  
Jack: "Come on choose, boy choose!"  
  
Link: "...Fine." Throws a fish at Jabu Jabu.  
  
Jabu jabu: "uuuuwa!" swallows Link and Jack  
  
Link: "OK, what now?"  
  
Jack: "Simple silly Hylian, find the boss! But first have a beer!"  
  
Link: "Well, step 1 seems easy enough... But how am I going to find the boss?"  
  
Jack: "wander around?" gives Link a beer  
  
Link: Takes one sip. "WeeEEe!" Hic. Stumbles into one of those hole things.  
  
Jack: "WATCH OUT!! Oh wait he's already fallen, NEVER MIND!" jumps in after Link  
  
Link: "UmmmmMMMMMMM... WhERe tO NOw? OH!" Runs towards a door like thing, but hits a wall.  
  
Octorok: "Hi! I'm here to kill you!"  
  
Link: "HaaaA! I'Ll BeAT yOU! EaSILy!" Slashes at the Octorok, but is way off.  
  
Jack: "Moron Look at the one in the middle that's the real one!"  
  
Link: "OHHHhh! ThE OnE in ThE mIDDle!" Hits self with hilt of sword.  
  
Jack: sighs throws a rock at the Octorok Killing it  
  
Octorok: "GAK! wutu..." dies  
  
Link: "WhOOa..." Points at Jack. "ThIS ClOCk gIVes REceIPts."  
  
Jack: "This is sad I thought he could handle more than one sip..."  
  
Link: "Is THiS thE DR. MaRIo pLAYinG COnTesT?"  
  
Jack: "SNAP OUT OF IT MAN!" slaps Link  
  
Link: "Huh? Whoa, that was weird."  
  
Jack: "yes very..." puts away the camera he was using to tape it all...  
  
Link: "Anyway... The boss must be... This way!" Runs through the door.  
  
Two hours later...  
  
Link: "Or... Wait, maybe this way..."  
  
Jack: "Why not try this door?" Points to a door with the boss markings on it  
  
Link: "No way that could be the door..."  
  
Jack: "LIAR!" pushes Link through it "Have fun!"  
  
Link: "Whoa!" Falls down near the boss.  
  
Phantom Moblin: "MUAHAHAHAA!"  
  
Link: "AHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!" Runs around in circles.  
  
Triforce Pieces: "You idiot! We're giving you courage!"  
  
Link: "Hey, aren't you inanimate objects?"  
  
Triforce Pieces: "Oh yeah..."  
  
Phantom Moblin: "Prepare to Die! Butter smells good! Don't eat cheese!"  
  
Link: "I must save the land from horrors like this!" Grabs the rock he tied to his foot, and throws it at the Moblin.  
  
Omochao: "Ow..."  
  
Phantom Moblin: disintigrates into many Omochao  
  
Link: "AHHHHHHH!" Starts stepping on the Omochao.  
  
All Omochao: "Hi!"  
  
Link: Picks up a nearby hammer and starts crushing the Omochao with it.  
  
All remaining Omochao: "STUPIDITY BEAM!" Link gets hit by a beam that makes him dumber  
  
Link: "Noooooooooooooooooooo! I've got too few IQ points to afford to lose more!"  
  
Omochao: "... Oh... SMARTITITY BEAM!" Shoots a beam at link that makes him like 10 IQ points smarter!  
  
Link: "...Whoa. They're more stupid than I thought." Looks up and notices a huge rock being held up by a rope, then climbs a ladder to get on top of it, and cuts the rope.  
  
Omochao: "I told them that was a bad move..." All the omochao get crushed...  
  
Link: "Yay! Now, where's that Triforce piece?"  
  
Triforce piece falls slowly from the ceiling  
  
Ganon: "IT'S MINE!"  
  
2 hours later...  
  
Link: "Hi, Ganon. It's still too high up to get, Check back in an hour or so."  
  
Ganon: "Wanna play go fish?"  
  
Link: "Fish... That reminds me... Where'd that fish go?"  
  
Jack: "I'm right here! And sure!"  
  
Link: Climbs up a ladder and grabs the Triforce piece while Ganon and Jack are distracted.  
  
Ganon: "I'll get you Foolish Hylian!" runs off into the stomach  
  
Link: "OK, now where's that old man?"  
  
Jack: "We're still in Jaba jaba ya know..."  
  
Link: "...Oh, right."  
  
Later...  
  
Link: "OK, we're out, NOW where's that old man?"  
  
Old man: sneaks up behind link "BLAH!"  
  
Link: "AHHHHHHHHHHHH! Why do people keep doing that?!?"  
  
Old man: "So Jack can take your picture!"  
  
Link: "Jack! You..."  
  
Jack: "I didn't do it!" puts his camera away  
  
Old man: "Your next clue lies with in the forest in the west"  
  
Link: "...Haven't I already been to that forest?"  
  
Old man: "... No this is a different one"  
  
Jack: "And I think I'll just go back to my people now!"  
  
Old man: "thank you for looking after my Imbecile!"  
  
Jack: "No problem just don't make me do it again!" leaves  
  
Link: "Ooh! That reminds me! The Omochao raised my IQ 10 points! Now I can do simple math problems!"  
  
Old man: "good! What's one plus one?"  
  
Link: "I said simple!"  
  
Old man: "that's as simple as they get next to zero plus zero"  
  
Link: "Ummm... Zero? No, wait, two!"  
  
Old man: "zero plus zero is what now?"  
  
Link: "Zero! No, two! Yeah, two."  
  
Old man: "zero you idiot!"  
  
Moblin: "BLAH!"  
  
Link: Stabs Moblin. "OK, well, how do we get to the forest?"  
  
Moblin: "Ouchies... And I just wanted to be your friend!" dies  
  
Old man: "Just head west until you find your second forest there you will meet me!" walks off  
  
Link: "OK." Heads east.  
  
5 hours later...  
  
Moblin that link killed 5 hours earlier: "he said west not east"  
  
Link: "AH! A ghost! AAAAAHHHHHHHHH!" Runs west as fast as he can.  
  
Moblin Ghost: sniffle "And I just wanted to be your friend..."  
  
10 hours later  
  
Old man: "So finally decided to show up eh?"  
  
Link: "OK, bring it on!"  
  
Old man: "Okay" Hits link in the leg with his cane and then pins him to the ground  
  
Link: "...Ow..."  
  
Old man: starts to twist Link's right arm "say uncle, SAY UNCLE!"  
  
Link: "...But I'm not the Link who has an uncle..."  
  
Old man: twists even harder "SAY UNCLE!"  
  
Link: "ACK! Uncle! Uncle!"  
  
Old man: gets off of link "had enough?"  
  
Link: "Ow..."  
  
Old man: "now we need to find the master sword and see if you're Hylian enough to full it from its pedestal..."  
  
Link: "Right! Wait... Where is the Master Sword?"  
  
Old man: "What all did your father teach you?"  
  
Link: "He taught me that if you stab something in the head, it'll most likely die."  
  
Old man: "and?"  
  
Link: "And... That Ganon's evil?"  
  
Old man: "and?"  
  
Link: "And... Not to hit myself with my sword?"  
  
Old man: "Anything about the master sword?"  
  
Link: "Well, he said that its magic used to make it so you had to be a certain age to use it... That they moved it to somewhere in the northwestern Lost Woods?"  
  
Old man: "Riiiiight, now how old are you then?"  
  
Link: "Um... I lost count somewhere around 3. But the magic's gone now!"  
  
To be continued... 


	4. Chapter 4

As we join our Master of stupidity he is Hard at work looking for the Master sword!  
  
Old Man: "Did you find the Evil slaying tool yet?"  
  
Link: "Not yet." Trips over a sword. "Hey! This must be the Master Sword, despite the fact that it's nothing like it!"  
  
Old Man: "Well thats because you haven't even entered the forest yet!"  
  
Link: "...Oh." Enters forest.  
  
Old Man: "Impossible child"  
  
Meanwhile in the forest  
  
Link: "I'm possible!"  
  
Moblin: "BLAH!"  
  
Link: "...I'm getting used to that. What do you want?"  
  
Moblin: "WHAT ARE YOU DOING IN THE FOREST OF LOSTLESSNESS!?"  
  
Link: "You mean the Lost Woods? Looking for the blade of evil's bane."  
  
Moblin: "Who-ja-what-a-wa?"  
  
Wolfos: "AWOO!"  
  
Link: "Give me the Master Sword or I'll stab you with the wooden sword!"  
  
Wolfos: "Why shold we?" Attack link  
  
Link: Hits the Wolfos on the head.  
  
Wolfos: "Ow..." swipes at link  
  
Link: Jumps out of way. "Ha! You'll have to try harder than tha..." Looks down. "AHHHHH! I'M BLEEDING!" Runs around in circles.  
  
Moblin and Wolfos: "-.-;;;"   
  
Triforce peices: "You moron we're giving you courage!!!"  
  
Link: "You're still inanimate objects!"  
  
Triforce peices: "... So?"  
  
Link: "So that means you can't talk! Only the completed Triforce can talk, and that's only because it's transmitting messages of the gods, like a radio!"  
  
Moblin: "BLAH!" throws a rock at link"  
  
Triforce peices: "Oh fine" they shut up  
  
Link: "Wha? Ow!" Rubs head. Pulls a computer keyboard out of nowhere and smashes it over the Wolfos' head.  
  
Moblin: "blah blah?!"   
  
Wolfos: "Ouchies" dies   
  
Moblin: "You'll pay dearly for that!!!" runs away  
  
Link: "I won a battle! I get sixteen experience points!"  
  
Rock: "No you don't..."  
  
Link: Stabs rock.  
  
Rock: "Ha HA! it'll take more than that to kill me!"  
  
Link: "Hey, this reminds me of a comic I read once..." Throws the rock in a river.  
  
Rock: "I'll get blub you blub blub... "  
  
later  
  
Link: Looks around. "Where's that Master Sword?!?"  
  
Moblin: "BLAH! turn around and see what I have in store for you!!"  
  
Link: Turns around. "Yes?"  
  
Moblin: in a mech "BLAH!"  
  
Link: "You said there was a store!"  
  
Moblin: "Are you that dumb!?"  
  
Link: "I think the answer to that is obvious!"  
  
Moblin: "Right... Moron..." begins to shoot at link  
  
Link: "Umm..." Throws a rock at the Moblin.  
  
Moblin: "Didn't you throw that rock in the river? oh well..." shoots the rock  
  
Link: "That wasn't the same rock! Well... There's one thing that never fails me!" Takes out the fork, which is, incidentally, one of the Triumph Forks, then stabs the mech."  
  
Moblin: "Darn..." the mech explodes "Looks like team moblins blasting off agaaaaaaaaaain..."  
  
Link: "...That was strange."  
  
ping  
  
Link: "Where's that old man?"  
  
Old man: sneaks up behind link "BLAH!"  
  
Link: "Ah! Old man! I need your help..."  
  
Old man: "What? Your not scared?"  
  
Link: "It doesn't matter... I need help finding the Master Sword... Could you get Omochao to help me?"  
  
Old man: "WHAT!? YOUR ASKING FOR HELP FROM OMOCHAO?!"  
  
Omochao: "Hi! there!"  
  
Link: "Actually, I wanted to throw him as far as he could go. He'd probably head towards the Master Sword." Grabs the Omochao.  
  
Omochao: "I like being held!"  
  
Link: Throws Omochao.  
  
Omochao: "WHEEEEE!!!" hits a tree and explodes  
  
Link: "Aw... Well, that didn't help."  
  
Old Man: "I told you Omochaos not helpful..."  
  
Link: "Well... Do you have any ideas on finding the Master Sword?"  
  
Old Man: "Well... I could give you this plot device that would help you... But, that would be too easy..."  
  
Link: "That doesn't help."  
  
Old Man: "Well it is a plot device..."  
  
Link: "I want it! I don't care if it's too easy!"  
  
Old Man: "What?! Stop changing your mind!!"  
  
Link: "I need that Master Sword!"  
  
Old Man: "Okay fine" looks around then hands Link a rock  
  
Link: "What am I supposed to do with this?"  
  
Old Man: "Don't ask me"  
  
Link: "Omochao was more helpful..."  
  
Old Man: "... He just rammed into a tree you call that 'More helpful' ?"  
  
Link: "Yes!"  
  
Old Man: "..." Smacks link on the head with his cane  
  
Link: "Ouch!" Throws the rock at the old man.  
  
Old Man: "..." steps to the side then hits link on the head again  
  
Link: "STOP THAT!" Takes the old man's cane away.  
  
Old Man: "Noo..." falls to the ground grasping his back "Ouchies..."  
  
Link: Throws it back and walks off in a random direction.  
  
Old Man: takes his cane "Leave now or i'll make my Torches Shoot fire at you!"  
  
Link: "What torches? We're in the middle of the forest!"  
  
Old Man: "HA!" the torches begin to shoot fire at link  
  
Link: "AHHHHHHHHHHHH!" Runs into a nearby room.  
  
3 hours later...  
  
Old Man: "are you Going to stay in here forever?"  
  
Link: "Maybe..."  
  
Old Man: "Look I know where the master sword is just follow me..."  
  
58 hours later  
  
Link: "Hold on just a few more minutes, I'm playing EarthBound Zero!"  
  
Door opens revealing a room full of NES games.  
  
Old Man: Slaps link "You that this is time to play vidio games?! The future of the land rests on your shoulders!!!"  
  
Link: "But I don't wanna go back out there..."  
  
Old Man: drags Link by the ear  
  
58 hours later  
  
Old Man: "Here we are!"  
  
Link: "Hurray! Wait, why is the Master Sword just laying on the ground?"  
  
Old Man: "thats not it! over there!!!" points to a huge staircase that you can barly see the top of  
  
4 days later  
  
Link: Sleeping.  
  
Old Man: distantly "keep going link your more that half way there!!"  
  
Link: "H... Wha?" Yawn. "OK..." Continues walking.  
  
1 week later  
  
Link: "Is this the top yet?"  
  
Old Man: "yeees!"  
  
Link: "Yay! Where's the Master Sword?"  
  
Old man: "I'll show you!"  
  
a few weeks later  
  
Link: "This is taking too long..."  
  
Old man: reaches link "o... Okay... here... It is... pushes a door open  
  
Link: Enters door.  
  
Kino Makoto: "O-O LINK-SAMA?!"  
  
Link: "Huh?"  
  
Kino Makoto: Huggles Link  
  
Link: "Um... Old man, I think you gave me the wrong directions..."  
  
Old Man: "No They were Right"  
  
Link: "Then where's that Master Sword?"  
  
Kino Makoto: "OH! right here o-o I love MOO!!"  
  
Link: "Thanks!" Takes the Master Sword. "Now to go back to that room and play video games..."  
  
Old Man: "Uh oh he was too young..."  
  
link and Kino get stuck in time for 7 years  
  
7 years later  
  
Link: "Huh? Agh... Feels like I've been stuck here for 7 years..."  
  
Kino Makoto: "I LOVE MOO!"  
  
Link: "O...K..." Begins to walk down the stairs.  
  
Kino Makoto: " o•o wait link-sama!" chases after him  
  
Link: "But I need to beat Ganon... Say, I wonder if that old man's still alive..."  
  
Kino Makoto: "I wouldn't hold your breath, look there..." point to a coarpse  
  
Link: "Hm... Now there's no one to tell me what to do!" Runs to the room.  
  
Kino Makoto: "Wait I CAN HELP!"  
  
Link: "Help what?"  
  
Kino Makoto: "You with your quest oh great LINK-SAMA!" drools  
  
Link: "But I don't wanna go on a quest..."  
  
Kino Makoto: "... Hey I was the One who created that story 'Adventures with Omochao' I can help destroy them!"  
  
Link: "But I wanna play EB0..."  
  
Kino Makoto: "OKAY!! What ever you say Link-Sama! -" drools  
  
Link: Enters room and begins playing.  
  
To be continued… 


	5. Chapter 5

When we last left off, Stuff happened. Link got the master sword, and other things...  
  
Link: "SAY HELLO TO THE RODEOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!"  
  
Kino: "Huh?"  
  
Old man's Ghost: "OOGA BOOGA!" pops out of the tv screen that link was playing EB0 on  
  
Link: "WAH!" Falls out of his charir.  
  
Old man's Ghost: "Wahaha! It never looses it's touch after seven years..."  
  
Kino: o-o "Ghost!"  
  
Link: "Neither does this." Temporarily corporializes and then punches the old man's ghost.  
  
Old mans Ghost: "Ow... anymoo, we need to Destroy Gannon! And save the triforce now!"  
  
Link: "OK. I'm gonna need guns. Lots of guns."  
  
Old man's Ghost: "What's a gun?"  
  
Link: "This." Corporializes the Old Man's Ghost again and shoots him with a pistol.  
  
Omochao: randomly appears "Whee!"  
  
Old man's Ghost: takes the gun and shoots link in the foot "Don't do that..."  
  
Link: "Ow! Well, anyway..." Area turns to white and Link is suddenly wearing leather black clothes with sunglasses, and guns come out of the whiteness. "Whoo! This is just like the first Matrix!"  
  
Old man's Ghost: Looks at Kino blankly  
  
Kino: looks at Old man's Ghost blankly  
  
Link: "YOU'RE ALL STANDING IN MY WAY!" Grabs the nearest gun and tries to shoot all present, but it turns out to be an apple launcher.  
  
Kino: o-o "Apples!" eats apples  
  
Link: Takes out a knife. "OK, who here has blood that isn't me?"  
  
Kino: "Don't Kill me Link-sama"  
  
Link: "Well, then get me someone ELSE with blood."  
  
Kino: pushes Omochao infront of Link "SACRIFICE!"  
  
Omochao: "HEY!"  
  
Link: "...OMOCHAO DON'T HAVE BLOOD!"  
  
Kino: pulls out Dracula "SACRIFICE!"  
  
Link: "DOH!" Falls. "Whoawhoawhoawhoawhoa!"  
  
Old man's Ghost: watches link fall down a gigantic flight of stairs  
  
Link: "Now, Kino, I've got the upper hand! This is about the entire Land of Hyrule, so you'd better do as I say!"  
  
Kino: "OKIES!"  
  
Old man's ghost: "Wah!" Flails arms "Link What are you doing!?"  
  
Link: Smiles evilly. "You'll see." Pushes Kino at a random conveniently placed window in the whiteness. "GO FIND A HUMAN!"  
  
Kino: finds Eggman and pulls him out "HERE!"  
  
Link: "Heh heh heh..." Tries to cut Eggman, but fat comes out instead of blood." "WTF?!"  
  
Kino and Old man: oO;  
  
Link: "Get a BETTER human." Pushes Kino and Eggman out the window again.  
  
Kino: finds some random man off the streets and brings him "here?"  
  
Link: "YES!" Cuts the man and begins drawing symbols on the ground with his blood.  
  
Kino: oO "Whaaa? W... T... F...?" clings to Steve who just happens to be standing nearby  
  
Link: "Muahahaha..." Begins chanting in Latin.  
  
Steve: "Link, are you mentally stable?"  
  
Link: Eyes red. "And to the dark lord Ganon....."  
  
Steve: "WAH!" Flails arms "WAAAH!" Everyone else joins in and runs around in circles  
  
The blood begins to glow red.  
  
everyone else still running around Flailing arms and screaming  
  
Omochao: Clings to link "I'm scared!"  
  
Link: "RESIST! DEFY!" Redness begins to flood the whiteness.  
  
Steve: Pulls out a gun and Shoots link in the other foot  
  
Link: Snatches the gun from Steve and crushes it with one hand. "YOU ARE ALL DOOMED!"  
  
Steve: Pulls out some holy water and splashes link with it, and magically Kino and The Old man become Priests "THE POWER OF CHRIST COMPELLS YOU!"  
  
Link: Hisses as his skin begins smoking. Eyes glow reder.  
  
Kino and Old man: Chanting  
  
The room is now completely filled with red, which begins to take shape into a dark dungeon in Ganon's lair.  
  
Link: "Enough of that!" Begins to glow red.  
  
Steve: Smashes an open fist on Links head and begins to crush his skull "STOP THIIIS!"  
  
Link: Is now completely red light, and Steve's hand is going through.  
  
Steve: "Wah! I failed!"  
  
Omochao begin to flood the room  
  
When who do you think, Eggman appears to save the day!  
  
Link: Begins to grow and change, until is a large pig-like monster, like Ganon. "I... Am.... Dark Ryinku!"  
  
Kino: "Then where is link?"  
  
Dark Ryinku: "I AM Link! Muahahaha!" Points at the old man's ghost. "YOU shall be my first victim." The ghost of the old man begins to burn away.  
  
Kino: "AHH! MAJORA'S MASK REFRANCES!"  
  
Steve: "WAH!" Flails arms  
  
Dark Ryinku: Steps on Steve and Kino. "And are YOU gonna say anything, fat man?"   
  
Eggman: "Why yes..." Holds up some bacon "WAH hahahaha! YOur weakness!" Then the EggWalker appears out of no where and he gets in  
  
Dark Ryinku: "Oh ho, you wish to battle me! Well..." Takes out an Eggesphere. "GET READY TO FIGHT!"  
  
Eggman: Oo uses the lazer Cannon on him "Yosh!"  
  
Dark Ryinku: Jumps out of the way. "Fool!" Throws the Eggesphere. "EVIL KING SHOES! I CHOOSE YOU!"  
  
Eggman: "WAH!" Flails arms Shoots Evil king shoes with the Lazer Missles  
  
Badnik Ishntknew: Evil King Shoes: Deflects them all with psychic energies. "YOU NEED AN EGGEMON TO FIGHT ME!"  
  
Eggman: "RUBBERBAND MAN! I CHOOSE YOU!" Throws out an Eggshpere  
  
Evil King Shoes: "How pathetic."  
  
Rubberband man: WAH! Slaps Evil King shoes  
  
Evil King Shoes: "OW! You'll pay!" Uses Hyper Beam on Rubberband Man.  
  
RUBBER BAND MAN TAKES 20 DAMAGE!!!  
  
Rubberband man: WAH! uses Fissure  
  
Evil King Shoes: "Heh heh heh..." Floats to avoid the attack, then causes giant meteors to fall from the sky towards Rubberband Man.   
  
Rubberband man: WAAAAH! Dissapates  
  
RUBBERMAND MAN FAINTED!  
  
Evil King Shoes: "Muahahahaaaaa..." Dies due to the slap.  
  
Eggman: Glares at Ryinku  
  
Dark Ryinku: "Well... Ummmm..." Charges at Eggman. "HAAAAAA!"  
  
Eggman: pulls out another Eggsphere "GO! KAMAKAZE WATERMELLON!"  
  
Dark Ryinku: "OO What now?"  
  
Kamakaze watermellon: WHEHEEE! Flys into Ryinku Exploding on Impact  
  
KAMAKAZE WATERMELLON FAINTED!  
  
Dark Ryinku: "Nooooooooooo!" Dies.  
  
Eggman: "YOSH!"  
  
Ganondorf: Walks in. "Hi!"  
  
Rings: 0 Score: 10000 Ranking: E  
  
Eggman: "Who? What? Who are you?"  
  
Steve: Gets up and dusts himself off then helps Kino  
  
Ganondorf: "They call me Ganon! Blue giant pig Ganon! Even though I'm not in giant pig form..."  
  
Eggman: "Well I'm fatter than you so HA!"  
  
Ganondorf: "Oh well." Takes the last Triforce piece from Link. "Finally! All the Triforce is mine! MUAHAHAHAHA-"  
  
Five hours later.  
  
"-HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA-"  
  
12 weeks later...  
  
"HAHAHAHA-"  
  
2800 years later...  
  
"HAAAAAAAAAAA!"  
  
Eggman: dead  
  
Steve: "Hi Gannondorf!"  
  
Ganondorf: "You should be dead by now."  
  
Steve: "No, You should."  
  
Ganondorf: "I'm immortal due to the Triforce of Power. You're mortal due to being a normal human."  
  
Steve: goes Super "Wanna make a bet?"  
  
Ganondorf: "Hmph." Wishes Steve dead with the Triforce.  
  
Steve: still alive "HA!" holds up hand and a blue triforce peice appears "I hold one of the Peices to the triforce of randomness making me immune!"  
  
Ganondorf: "Oh well. This entire area is under my control." The ground under Steve's feet turns into red, non-solid light.  
  
Steve: floating "You forgot I went super Dragon Ball Z style right...?"  
  
Ganondorf: "No. But you forgot about THIS." The red light swallows Steve.  
  
Red light: "Yuuuuum."  
  
Steve: "AHH!" Falls  
  
suddeenly Two stonned kids with a box of Pizza come in through the door  
  
Ganondorf: "Yes, what is it?"  
  
Kid 1: eats a piece and becomes Mullio  
  
Kid 2: eats a piece and becomes Mulligi  
  
Mullio: "Wahoo! Prepare to feel the wraith of Mullet power!"  
  
Ganondorf: Wishes himself a mullet. "You were saying?"  
  
Mullio: "even with that fake Mullet you'll never beat us!"  
  
Mullio and Mulligi so Super Mullian  
  
Ganondorf: "Muahahaha. But watch this!" Triforce begins to glow.  
  
Mulligi: "too late!" Punches Gannondorf in thet stomache and steals his lunch  
  
Ganondorf: "OOF! But... YOU'RE too late!"  
  
The world explodes and "Happy End" comes out of it.  
  
back on earth  
  
Mulligi: What happened?  
  
Ganondorf: "YOU'RE. ALL. DEAD." Disappears.  
  
the world reappears  
  
Link: "YAY! YOU SAVED EARTH!"  
  
Narrarator: He's dead too. THE END.  
  
Other narrarator: That's not cool man... you totally ruined the show!  
  
Narrarator: Too bad. Credits roll.  
  
Credits: Script by  
  
Ishntknew and Steve  
  
Ideas:   
  
Steve and Ishnt  
  
Humor:  
  
Steve and Ishnt  
  
Plot holes provided by: Ishnt  
  
Ishnt: "Wah! ME?! YOU'RE the one who revived Steve, Kino, and Link!"  
  
Other help: Doc Eggman, Kino Makoto, and Jason  
  
Steve: "Shut up foo'! Yo' ruinin' the Credits!"  
  
Ishnt: "Hmph!" Punches Steve.  
  
Omoish: "GRAVY FOOD!"  
  
Steve: doubled over xX "ouches..."  
  
THE END! 


End file.
